


Nobody Remembers

by Toxic_Astin



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bullying, Child Abuse, Gen, I won't actually write it tho don't worry, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Physical Abuse, Pre-Squip, Pre-squip rich, Rich wears glasses, Rich's lisp, and he's a mix of an emo kid and a geek, idk I'll add more tags when I know what'll happen, probably some smut at one point, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-12-10 15:29:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11694576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toxic_Astin/pseuds/Toxic_Astin
Summary: "You don't remember me freshman year, do you?""You didn't go here freshman year-""YES I DID! See? You just didn't notice. Nobody did!"Freshman year. Rich was your average loser, and the target of many bullies who like shoving short guys like him inside of lockers, or give him ridiculous nicknames. But what happens when a desperate student finds out there's a way to turn his life around, and that this solution contains a grey oblong pill?





	1. Your everyday bullies

5:35 AM. October 1st.

It was still dark outside. Although school only started at 8 AM, it left more time for Rich Goranski to grab his clothes, get ready and find his backpack, that he always ended up forgetting somewhere in the house. He also needed that extra time to relax in order to avoid having an anxiety attack as soon as he'd step inside the school building. If he didn't have those ten minutes to remind himself that _everything was okay, that he was going to be fine_ , he couldn't make it. It was stupid, but he had gotten used to it by now. When was the last time he wasn't every average bully's prey anyway?

After rubbing his face to get the tired look out of his eyes and lazily reaching for his glasses, Rich got out of his bed, carefully pushing the dirty clothes out of his way. His room was messy, it really showed what kind of person he was. He took a last glance of his room, covered wall-to-wall with posters of bands and nerdy video games, then turned around and walked out, closing the door on his way out. In the living room, he internally sighed when he noticed his dad passed out on the old couch, an empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. _Again? Isn't that the third time this week?_ He quietly made his way to the bathroom and walked right in front of the mirror, analyzing himself.

He looked _hideous_. His hair was unkempt and greasy, he had eyebags from staying up until 2 AM, and god those freckles looked bad on him. He just looked ugly altogether. Would he have enough time for a shower? Even though he couldn't look stunning, he wanted to have a decent hygiene, he didn't want more people to stare at him. He went to lock the door and took off his clothes, before going right into the shower.

30 minutes later, he got out of the shower, looking a little fresher, and he went back to his bedroom wearing a towel around his waist and holding his pajamas under an arm. Sitting on the bed and staring at his opened closet, he searched for the outfit he would wear. Well, it wasn't like he had a lot of different clothes to wear, really. His fashion style consisted of hoodies, band merch and video games shirts. He'd either wear tight ripped jeans or basic black pants.

He settled for black jeans, a My Chemical Romance shirt and a grey hoodie. He grabbed a pair of black socks and quickly got dressed, then checked his phone to look at the time.

6:05. Time for breakfast.

Rich walked out of his bedroom and went into the kitchen. On his way, he walked past his brother's bedroom. It was mostly empty since the beginning of the year because he had just graduated high school and moved in with a friend. He was now in college and probably having a blast while leaving his little brother behind. The house felt lonelier without him around. Oh well, he'd have to get used to it eventually.

He turned the lights on and went to open the fridge. There wasn't a lot to eat, his dad forgot to buy groceries. "Gueth I'll have to do that later" Rich mumbled to himself before grabbing the last bottle of milk and closing the fridge. He then grabbed a spoon, a bowl and a box of cereal. There wasn't much left in it, but it was enough to keep himself from starving until lunchtime.

He sat at the table and emptied the box of Frosted Flakes. He then poured a bit of milk and put it back inside the fridge. Starting to eat his cereal in silence, Rich started reviewing what he was supposed to do today: give the paper that was due last week but that he couldn't give because he was sick, look for the stress ball a bully had stolen and threw out of a window the day before -even though he probably wouldn't find it-, and give David his copy of Lord of the Rings. Oh, and go get groceries. God, what would his dad do without him?

His bowl now empty, he put everything in the sink, threw away the box of cereal and went back into the living room. Looking for his backpack, he sighed. It wasn't there. God, what time was it? He looked at his phone again.

6:24?!

Oh god. No no, he was gonna be late. And he wouldn't have enough time to mentally prepare himself! Starting to panic, Rich ran to his bedroom and knelt down to look under the stuff that was scattered around, like his clothes, the old DS he had played on and forgot there last night, and a few graded essays he didn't know where to put. Shit, where did he put it when he came home yesterday? He only remembered tossing it somewhere and passing out on his bed, only to wake up for dinner and not even bothering to look for it.

He ran back to the living room, breathing heavily from running and freaking out. His dad opened an eye and groaned, "Would you please stop making all that fucking noise? It's 6 AM for God's sake."

"Th-Thorry dad" Rich said, "I-I can't find my backpack and I'll be late for clath-"

"Well find it. I don't want your school to call me again" He replied before closing his eye again. Rich swallowed a lump in his throat and went to his brother's bedroom. He knew it couldn't be here, but he was so desperate that he'd be ready to go on top of the building to look for it. Another quick glance at his phone.

6:27.

He was done for. He was supposed to be at his bus stop at 6:30, he hadn't even left his house yet and he still hadn't found his backpack. He walked back into his bedroom, closed the door and sat on his bed. Maybe he should just call in sick and stay here. At least he'd have the entire day to find his backpack. Though that would be the 8th day of school he'd miss without a proper excuse, which was a day closer to getting a warning and that's not what he needed right now.

 

He slowly slid off the bed and took the blanket with him. On the floor, he wrapped the blanket around himself and turned around. He gasped, noticing that his backpack was right there under the bed. He grabbed it, not bothering to check if everything he needed was in it, and rushed out of the apartment. He pat the pockets of his hoodie, sighing in relief as he felt both his phone and his keys. He sprinted down the stairs and ran outside of the building. If he was lucky, he'd have enough time to catch the bus.

Out of breath, he finally arrived at the bus stop that was down the hill he lived on. As he tried catching his breath, he looked at his phone.

6:31.

Thank God, it wasn't too late. Now eyeing the road for his bus, Rich reached into his backpack and pulled out a pair of black headphones that he plugged into his phone. Maybe listening to music would calm him down and he wouldn't have his mental routine today. He highly doubted it but it was worth a try. He put his music on shuffle and focused on the lyrics.

The bus finally arrived at 6:34. Rich put his backpack on his back and walked in. He found two empty seats, sat down next to the window and put his backpack next to him. The bus closed once everyone at the bus stopped was in, and started heading to its destination. He stared outside the window, his music blasting in his ears so he wouldn't have to hear the potential bullies sitting in the bus with him. He didn't look at anyone when he walked in, but he was sure at least one of them was here. When the song ended, there was a few seconds of silent before the next song, and he could hear a familiar voice laugh and say "Look dude, Dick's here!"

_Don't worry, Rich. Focus on your music. He isn't here. Just focus on your music. No one's talking to you. Come on, deep breath, relax. They could be talking to someone else._

Rich turned the volume up just in case it wouldn't be enough to mute the bully's voice if he had something nasty to say again. He hummed the song that was currently playing, almost forgetting the idiot behind him. He suddenly remembered him though, when he felt something hitting the back of his head. He turned around and recognized Tyler Cody. He was probably the biggest asshole he knew. Despite his bad grades, Tyler's decency at sports would be enough to sway any and all teachers into bumping his grade up just enough for him to pass.

"What wath that for?" He asked as he moved his headphones around his neck.

"Because you were humming and it was bothering me, Dick" The guy replied, though in no way he looked bothered. Instead he looked amused, like he had just told the most hilarious joke in the world. Rich even noticed that the boy had moved even closer to him for the sole purpose of being an asshole.

"Juth thwitch theatth with thomeone!" Rich said before turning around again.

The other boy laughed and pulled headphones off Rich's head, holding them up in the air as if he was prepared to make Rich beg and jump for them despite knowing they'd just be pulled out of reach. "So you haven't managed do anything about that stupid lisp huh? **Look at me! I'm Dick Goranthki! I can't talk like a normal perthun becauth I'm too thtupid to ttthhPEAK correctly!** " He mocked, doing an exaggerated version of Rich's lisp.

Rich didn't turn around, ignoring Tyler. This was too much for him. He stared at the floor blankly, his stomach churned and was starting to hurt. He was hoping he wouldn't have a panic attack, that would make him even more vulnerable. When the bully realized he wasn't going to get a reply from Rich, he dropped the headphones at Rich's feet, "Fucking pussy" He laughed before going back to his group of friends.

Rich quickly grabbed his headphones, put them back on his head and forced them against his ears. The loud music was hurting them, but he couldn't care less. He'd rather go deaf than have to deal with those guys.

Luckily, the bus stopped shortly after. Rich grabbed his backpack and literally _ran_ out of the bus. He could hear the same group of kids laugh loudly. He also heard one of them say something but he couldn't make out what he said. He didn't stop running, he didn't want them to catch up with him and mess with him even more. He arrived on the school grounds and leaned against a wall. He checked his phone, he wanted to know if he had enough time to look for David and give him his book back.

7:00.

Okay, it wasn't too late. His backpack hanging off his shoulder, he headed into the building, his head down and trying to look invisible. It didn't make any sense, but really, Rich just didn't want to be seen at the moment. He looked up briefly, and grinned noticing his best friend, David Arnold, smiling at him a little further away. He walked to him and almost tripped, but he managed to keep his balance and stopped in front of his friend. Without hesitation, he pulled David into a hug, quickly returned by the other.

"What's up Rich?" David happily asked him, letting go of him and looking into his eyes. As he spoke, he moved a strand of his red hair from his face and stared into Rich's eyes with his own, dark and shiny. Rich loved looking at him. With his sweet look and bright personality, David was a ray of sunshine on his own. His curly ginger hair pulled into a loose ponytail and his freckles made him an adorable guy, and Rich couldn't understand why someone like him wasn't popular.

"Honethtly, you're the firth perthon to actually call me by my name tho far" Rich replied with a large smile. "That maketh me feel a little better already."

David, immediately picking up on what his friend meant, frowned a little. "Did someone mess with you again?" It wasn't new for them to get picked on, but Rich was definitely getting worse than David. He just wasn't unlucky enough to have a name that could be shortened to "Dick", Rich knew that.

"Yeah, on the buth. Tyler Cody." Rich mumbled as he put his backpack at his feet and looked into it. "But it'th fine, I'm uthed to it. Here'th your book by the way."

David gasped as Rich handed him the large book. He grabbed it, stared at the cover for a second before looking back at Rich. "How did you find the ending?"

"Exthiting!" Rich cheered with the same happiness in his eyes, "I can't wait to read the thecond book!"

"I'll bring it tomorrow, is that okay? I didn't know you'd finish this one so fast, I mean have you seen this thing?" David chuckled as he held up the book.

"I wath jutht tho into it, you know?"

"I'm sure you'll love the second book! It just gets better and better-"

"Don't thpoil me, David!"

"Alright alright! Oh, I should go, I wanted to sign up for the school play this year!" Before Rich could say anything, David waved at him and ran up to the opposite direction. Rich smiled. Seeing David always brightened up his day. He met him at summer camp two years ago, and since then they've been really close friends. It felt like the ginger boy brought a better side of Rich, a side that wasn't as dark or ugly. He made him forget all the shit he dealt with, whether it was at school or at home with his dad. He wished they had more class together. So far they only had biology class and had decided to pick creative writing together.

"Hey Dick!"

Rich turned around, only to find Tyler again. This time with two of his friends, that he assumed were just as violent and obnoxious as him. Tyler stepped closer to Rich, easily towering considering Rich's short height.

"Hey Dick, you didn't wait for us at the bus stop."

"Why should I? I don't have time for your shit."

Tyler suddenly grabbed the hood of Rich's hoodie and pulled him even closer. Rich's breath hitched as he was forced to look into Tyler's eyes. One of the two guys was broad shouldered and had brown-haired and grey eyes. Definitely in the football team. He walked up behind Rich and grabbed his backpack. Rich tried reaching for it but the third one, a taller man with messy hair, suddenly twisted his arm behind his back. Rich yelped, and watched as the football dude opened his backpack and started emptying it on the floor.

"Hey! Thtop that!" He stuttered while the three other students laughed. Tired of throwing everything one by one, the same guy turned the backpack around and shook it to let everything fall drop on the floor. As everything fell, he gave random kicks to scatter all the papers and pens around. He stopped to step on a paper that looked like an essay, and when there was nothing left, he tossed the backpack against the floor, walked to Rich and flicked his cheek.

"Aw sorry Dick! Too bad your boyyyyfffrieeeendd~ isn't here to protect you~" He cooed, with a grin that made Rich feel like he was gonna get punched and to go to the nurse for another bloody nose.

"David ithn't my boyfriend, leave him out of thith!"

"Sorry, Dick, we didn't understand what you said!" Tyler replied on a sarcastic tone before letting go of his hoodie, giving him a quick kick in the ankle and walking away. "Alright guys, let Dick **Goranttttthhhhhki** go so he can cry in a bathroom again like the baby he is." Tyler mocked as he left.

The tall guy let go of Rich's arm, and him and the football dude followed Tyler. Rich looked at all his stuff on the floor and teared up, but he quickly rubbed his eyes with a hand. _Don't be a crybaby, Rich. Just grab your stuff and go. School's gonna start soon._

Right. Rich wiped his tears and knelt down, starting to grab his notebooks and other things off the floor. He suddenly heard a voice behind him, that he didn't quite know.

"Hey man, you okay?"

Rich turned around, only to face a student he had seen everyday in the halls since the beginning of the year. He was incredibly popular here, a very smart student and one of the best members of any extracurricular activities he was a part of. With his stunning blue eyes, his brown hair neatly brushed back and his long and thin figure, he was the girls' favourite too. He was the personification of high school awesomeness. Jake. Dillinger.


	2. Lunch is ruined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich starts daydreaming about how different his life would be if was as cool as Jake Dillinger. David also tries to introduce him to his new friend, but Rich's anxiety only makes it scarier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! I'd like to thank everyone that left kudos on my first chapter!! I'll try my best to keep updating it in the future. So now, have Chapter 2!

Rich had never been more intimidated yet fascinated by another guy like that before. Jake was tall. Much, _much_ taller than him, easily a foot taller. He was wearing a red hoodie with a white hood, and a black pair of jeans. Rich awkwardly got up, having to tilt his head back to properly look at him in the eyes.

It took him a second to reply, "Uhhh... Yeah, I am!" He nodded before looking back down, "People... like to me-to fuck with me."

He tried avoiding any "s" sounds. If he found out, Jake Dillinger would probably end up using that against him or to mock him, and so far, it didn't look like he knew about it. Rich didn't need another bully on his back for the rest of the year.

"Here, lemme help." Jake replied before walking over to Rich's backpack and starting to put what he could reach back into it. Rich made a pile of what he had gathered and shoved it back in the bag while Jake kept it wide open for him.

Jake closed the backpack and directly slid it on Rich's back, "There you go dude. Have a nice day!" He said before turning around and walking away. Rich didn't even have the time to mumble "Thank you" before he was gone already.

Wow.

Jake Dillinger was... actually nice to him? He didn't even ask if Rich wanted help, he just walked over to him and did it. He even asked if Rich was okay and wasn't being sarcastic or anything to top it all off. He didn't know why, but thinking about Jake's reassuring smile gave Rich butterflies. Like he actually had a chance to become friends with him, the most popular guy at school.

Wait.

What was he saying? There was no way he could become friends with him; that would be stupid and overall dumb. He'd either drag Jake down or make himself look ridiculous next to the guy. Not to mention Jake didn't know his name, and he didn't ask for it either. He was probably trying to be polite. There was no sign of actual kindness in that act. Unlike the other cool kids, Jake just had manners. Rich adjusted his glasses on his nose and sighed.

The school bell suddenly rang, and Rich rushed to his classroom. While he did, he looked at the time and gasped. It was 7:20, which meant that the bell had already rung a first time and he hadn't noticed. So he was definitely late for class. Fuck! How could he not notice?

He walked into the classroom, drawing attention on himself as all the other students turned to look at him. A few of them snickered, and the teacher gave him a disappointed look.

"You really don't care about getting a warning for being late, Goranski, do you?" She asked, irritated. "Hurry up and take a seat."

Rich nodded in silence and went to sit down at a table at the back of the room. At least he didn't get detention so he was fine. Like almost everyday, he had to deal with Tyler and his friends throwing paper balls at him while the teacher wasn't looking. He learnt to ignore that, even though it was really frustrating. He wished he could get up and smash Tyler's face with a book or something. Was that too violent? Definitely. Would Rich regret that? Obviously. But he couldn't deny that hitting Tyler, at least once, would feel amazing. He was too weak and too scared to do that anyway. At this point he didn't even look up at Tyler and kept writing. Would they ever get bored of it?

This period felt like forever before the bell rang and he had some time for himself before the next. In the meantime he decided to look for David so that he could spend more time with him. It looked like David had the same idea, because his messy fiery hair was the first thing that caught Rich's attention once he stepped out of the classroom. Reaching for him, David grabbed the sleeve of Rich's hoodie and pulled him in front of him.

"Hey!"" He cheered, waving at the other like he couldn't see him.

With a nervous laugh, Rich replied "You didn't have to drag me here, dude. I thaw you ath thoon ath I walked out-"

"You weren't gonna come fast enough for me!" David immediately said with a grin.

Rich blushed lightly and looked away, moving an arm to scratch the back of his neck, "Aw come on dude."

"I'm serious! Oh, and I signed up for the play! I met a really nice girl there, her name's Christine Canigula."

"Never heard of her."

"I told her she could join us for lunch, so you'll get to see her soon!"

For lunch? Oh god. Rich didn't want anyone else at their lunch table. Don't get him wrong, he didn't hate Christine -he knew nothing about her- but lunch was important to him. It was the time where he could get away from anyone that messed with him -he had found a spot far away from the others at the cafeteria- and it was one of the only moments that he could spend _alone_ with David, without having to worry about anyone eavesdropping on them or staring. He felt like himself there, and David wanted to invite someone new. A total stranger.

"Hey, are you okay?" Unsurprisingly, David had noticed Rich's smile fade away as soon as the word "join" escaped the ginger's mouth.

"N-No offenthe, but... I-I'm not comfortable with eating with anyone elthe than you." Rich admitted after taking a deep breath. His hands were now fidgeting with the bottom of his hoodie in anxious motions.

David gave him a reassuring smile, somehow flattered too, "Come on! She's such a nice girl!"

"But I don't know her-And you don't either! What if she thtarth bullying uth like everyone elthe?"

"I can tell she's not like that, Rich. Please? Just, give her a chance, and if you're right I'll never invite anyone at our table again. Just, give _me_ a chance."

David clasped Rich's hands in his and gave him puppy eyes. He knew Rich couldn't resist them. And he was right, after a few seconds of what looked like a stare contest, Rich sighed and pulled his hands away, "Fine."

With a loud gasp, David immediately pulled Rich into a tight hug. "Thank you Rich you're the best!"

Rich only responded with a shy laugh. He definitely wasn't the best, or else David wouldn't have to negotiate over something as stupid as letting someone join them for lunch. David was such a kind friend though. He always understood Rich's issues and he'd never question him too much, which made him feel safe because he never felt forced to speak. It all came out naturally.

"You're welcome dude."

"And I promise you'll like her! She's a sweetheart and she told me all about rehearsal!"

"That'th nithe! Yeah I'll try that!" Rich smiled before slowly pulling away from David. David being so touchy wasn't new, he just didn't like people looking at him while his friend was being so affectionate. He was scared of being called gay. He wasn't homophobic or anything, but those students had the _sweet_ habit to turn around and laugh when the word "Gay" was shouted at a student. It was like a call for every asshole in the school to start tagging the kid's locker and bullying him even more. The poor David mostly had to deal with those gay jokes, for that exact reason.

Once the school rang, David gave Rich a soft pat on the shoulder and took off running to his next class. Rich's smile slowly faded as he watched his only friend disappear. He'd have to spend another hour without the only source of joy in his life. Depressing wasn't it? He sighed and started walking down the halls, looking for the classroom of his next period. As he walked, he couldn't help but think about that girl David had mentioned. Christine Canigula. Rich clenched his jaw and felt his body tense a little.

He didn't want a stranger sitting with them who was gonna mock them over things like the way Rich spoke or David's personal preference of guys as crushes. There was no way in hell Rich wanted that going on. Why did he have to ask her to join? He should know that Rich hated strangers and didn't feel comfortable around them, especially at lunchtime when they didn't have to deal with any bullies. Why did David have to ruin that for him?

He shook his head. He was being so unfair to David. It wasn't a bad thing to want to have more than one friend. Rich knew that David didn't like feeling lonely, and he just happened to find someone he could become friends with. Rich was being so selfish.

... But what if David ended up ditching him? What if Christine was funnier, nicer, and less of a mess than him? Would David suddenly stop talking to him only to hang out with Christine?

Rich's heart started aching badly. The thought of losing David made him sick, and he didn't want to think about it anymore. But he couldn't chase the thought away from his head. Though he was jolted from his mind when he felt himself bump into someone else. He looked up. Wow, Jake Dillinger again?

"Hey, you again dude?" Jake asked with a light smile. "Sorry, I should have watched where I step."

"O-Oh I'm... My bad!" Rich said before rubbing his eyes trying focus on the real world. The one where David didn't ditch him for some theater chick. Yet. God damnit there he went again.

He finally found the classroom he was in, and when he walked in he let out a content sigh. He was in history class now, and Tyler Cody wasn't there, so that meant he'd have one less student to worry about this time. Sitting down at a random table, he grabbed his textbook and his school case, while his mind drifted away once more. On one hand, he kept thinking about David and what he talked about earlier, on the other, he strangely couldn't forget Jake Dillinger.

 _"And as you can see here, this is how this place was built..."_ Rich was trying to listen and take notes, but he could barely hear the teacher. His thoughts were louder.

What was it like to be in Jake's shoes? To be able to wander around the school, wearing a large grin on your face like it was a shiny crown and everyone greet you with the same expression, like you were a king? Like school was your kingdom? Rich could only dream of never being alone anymore, of being in a large group of students who'd talk to him, laugh with him, without a trace or hate or mockery in their eyes.

_"For next week I want you to write an essay about..."_

If he became popular, would that change everything? As in, the way he saw himself? Would he see someone different in the mirror? Would his reflection show something else than this weirdo obsessed with video games and dark rock bands?

The school bell suddenly rang again, making Rich jump on his chair. He looked down at his notebook only to realize that after half an hour, he had pretty much given up on taking notes. Because of his daydreaming, he had ended up scribbling "Jake Dillinger" in a corner of the paper, multiple times. What was he, obsessed with Jake or something? Rich shook his head and shoved his notebook in his backpack. Today felt so repetitive, just like every other day.

Before next period, he had yet another 5 minutes of peace, but David's next period was far away from him, so he knew he wouldn't be able to stop by. Instead, Rich grabbed his phone and sent his best friend a quick text. Just to remind him about the whole lunch deal.

 _rich-182: are you still sure about inviting christine for lunch??? im still pretty scared_  
_davedavedave: Yes!! It'll be fine I promise uwu_  
_rich-182: jesus bro you still use that emoji_  
_davedavedave: Why not!! I have the same smile irl_

Rich couldn't help but laugh. David always knew how to make him smile like that. But he couldn't get carried away.

 _rich-182: just please make sure youre you know, sure about christine_  
_davedavedave: Do you really not want me to be her friend?_

That question hurt, it made Rich's stomach twist with anxiety and guilt. He knew David wasn't saying that to make him feel bad, he was always so genuine and ready to make sacrifices. But it made him feel so toxic, so manipulative. Right now, Rich was pretty much forcing David to stay a loner with him. That's not what he wanted! He was just scared of Christine, and pretty much anyone that wasn't David.

_rich-182: im sorry for being such a horrible friend_

He had to admit it. He was being a bad friend, a selfish and a terrible friend. David only wanted to meet people and be happy, and Rich was just there, being a burden as usual. He reached a hand to rub his eyes. Luckily he wasn't tearing up in the middle of the hallway, while walking to his next destination. But he felt like he wanted to. Because he was ruining his best friend's life.

 _davedavedave: Why are you saying that? You're not, Rich!!_  
_rich-182: yes i am_  
_rich-182: youre trying to make friends and im ruining it_  
_rich-182: i just hate hate myself_  
_davedavedave: Are you okay? Do you want me to come see you?_  
_rich-182: dont!! please youre already doing so much for me_  
_rich-182: ill try to befriends with christine, okay?_  
_rich-182: you just know meeting ppl is terrifying for me_  
_rich-182: i wanna do this for you_  
_davedavedave: You're so sweet!! I promise you won't regret it_  
_rich-182: i trust you, bro_  
_davedavedave: <33 ttyl Rich_

With a soft smile from David's last message, Rich put his phone back into his pocket and headed to his next class. He was feeling a little more relaxed about meeting Christine at lunch. After all, maybe she was as sweet as David. The thought made Rich chuckle to himself; nobody was as sweet as his best friend. That guy had to put up with him for so long now and he still wasn't sick of him. He was the best.

Yeah, lunch was gonna be fine.

That's what he thought, until lunchtime arrived. As Rich left the room, he was suddenly reminded of that deal once more. He really thought he was feeling better about it, but his anxiety had stormed back in and he was now a shaking mess. Convincing himself that talking to Christine would be easy, but actually doing it was harder. He slowly made his way over to the cafeteria and walked in. He took a look at all the tables filled with students, loudly chatting and laughing obnoxiously like the world around them didn't exist. The entire room smelled like fries, and it made Rich's stomach gurgle, remembering that he hadn't eaten that much this morning and was planning on catching up at school.

He suddenly spotted a table where he recognized David talking with another girl, that he assumed was Christine Canigula. He frowned. There was so many things that he knew would make things hard for him.

First of all, they were sitting at a table near the others, and not the table Rich liked to sit at. He couldn't sit there, he was too close to the others, too close to potential troubles. And that girl talking with him... She was all over the place! Moving her arms around, giggling like crazy while having this shit eating grin on her face. David had probably talked to her about him, and if he walked to them she'd probably yell his name in joy, drawing the attention on him. Tyler and the other assholes of his class would notice him and start bothering him. He could already see himself in a corner, his lip bleeding from all the punches he would have received, a black eye or even two, all beat up with his backpack flat and empty on the ground. His glasses would be broken on the ground after Tyler would have stepped on them, helped by that stupid quarterback friend of his.

As he was letting his mind go through all those dark scenarios, Rich's view was starting to get blurry, and he felt dizzy. He felt like someone was holding his heart, strangling it and squeezing it. His head was burning and he couldn't feel his legs anymore. This was too much... Way too much. Barely feeling his own body, he took off running in the opposite direction, leaving the cafeteria and rushing to the bathroom. He ran into one of the stalls and locked the door. He threw his backpack against the door and curled up against the wall, starting to loudly sob.

Rich had just ditched his best friend after telling him several times that despite being uncomfortable, he would do it for him. He wanted to show David that he cared about him enough to deal with his anxiety, but he couldn't even do that. So now he had locked himself inside a bathroom, and he couldn't even eat because he couldn't do the one thing he had promised.

Just how much of a coward was he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: The design I have in mind for David is really close to John Laurens from Hamilton. Do you think it'll affect what happens in the story?
> 
>  
> 
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> ... Just kidding I'm not that much of an asshole for that.


	3. It just gets worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title is self-explanatory, I'm Not Sorry™. Also just so you know I tags while writing so don't get surprised if I add more and more as the story progresses! Again I hope you like it ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ

_davedavedave:  Rich? It's lunch time silly, don't forget us!_  
  
Rich had his eyes locked on his phone, trying to think of something to say. David had sent that text 30 minutes ago and Rich had no idea how to respond. Part of him wanted to curse him out and blame him for inviting Christine, but he knew he wouldn't handle David's reaction. David was a really peaceful guy, it was almost impossible to make him angry. He would only apologize, and Rich knew he didn't want that. Well, part of him did, but it wouldn't be worth the intense feeling of guilt that would follow. Actually, Rich didn't even have to _sound_ angry, all he would have to say would be that David's idea was too much to handle, and only that would suffice to make the ginger boy look down, a guilty look on his face, and mumble "I'm sorry dude".  
  
In the end, Rich thought it was better to leave that text unanswered until he'd found an excuse. If he was convincing enough, he wouldn't have to say he was too much of a pussy to hold his promise! David wouldn't hate him and stop hanging out with him.  
  
His phone vibrated again. His friend wasn't wasting time.  
  
_davedavedave:  You're missing lunch! Are you asleep somewhere in the school again?_  
  
Rich laughed softly, remembering how stupid that situation was; he had fallen asleep against a wall and David was freaking out because he wasn't getting any answer for more than an hour. When he found him, he hugged him like he hadn't seen him in a year and he sounded like he was on the verge of calling the police to report a missing child. Rich put his phone in his pocket and stared at the stall door. Come on man, think of something.  
  
He could say that his father called for an emergency... because his brother had gotten into a bad accident and was-Okay no, that one was too much. Too easy to debunk if other people were involved.  
  
_davedavedave:  Are you okay? I'm really worried_  
  
It was too late for Rich to find something, if he waited for too long, David would start panicking. He took a deep breath, and miraculously found the right thing to say. Well, not that miraculously considering how basic that excuse was. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, his two thumbs on the phone screen, and he began typing with confidence.  
  
_hey sorry dude I was-_  
  
No no no wait! No, that wouldn't work. It sounded better in his head but it wouldn't work. Maybe he should find something else? He deleted his sentence and started typing again.  
  
_im okay man, just a little sick-_  
  
Still no. Rich let out an exasperated sigh and decided to just give up, but before he could shove his phone back into his pocket, it vibrated again.  
  
_davedavedave:  Rich I can see you typing!! At least you're awake_  
  
Fuck, now Rich had to respond now or else David would think he was ignoring him. Had he been staring at his phone screen the whole time? Forget the perfect response, Rich would go with his sloppy excuse. As long as it meant he would have some time to calm down, he didn't care anymore.  
  
_rich-182:  yeah sorry dude im like, super sick?? dont bother waiting for me, im in the bathroom_  
_davedavedave:  Oh no do you want me to come over??_  
_rich-182:  no no!! you have fun with christine ill stay there for a bit_  
_davedavedave:  Alright stay safe!!_  
  
Now he could go back to what he was doing... Feeling sick and wanting to cry. It was only a matter of seconds before "wanting to cry" became "actually bawling his eyes out". Rich was ridiculous. He was jealous of a girl David met the same day, lied to his face (well, to his... virtual username) and now he was gonna have to act like he was okay with it. If lunch had gone well, David was probably going to try inviting Christine more, he'd try asking Rich if they could hang out with her, if she could come with him to play at the arcade, or even to get Slushies at Seven Eleven even though they promised a year ago that it was going to be _their_ thing!  
  
And then, then... David would stop hanging out with him! He'd become best friends with Christine, invite her to go on vacations with him, David's parents would love her more than they loved Rich, and whenever he'd be asked about him, David would only reply "Oh I stopped hanging out with him, he was too much of a pussy and he kept trying to stop me from making friends!"  
  
No no no, he needed to calm down! But he fucking couldn't, he felt like he was gonna throw up. He felt his hands get sweaty, and there he was, angry again. Angry at himself, angry at Christine, angry at the entire world!  
  
Fuck it. Fuck all of this. Fuck school, fuck anxiety, fuck stupid little Richard Goranski. Fuck Christine, and Jake Dillinger. Fuck David.  
  
His hand closed on his phone, and he jumped to his feet, furiously raising his arm in the air as if he was about to smash his phone against the wall. That's what he wanted to do, when he suddenly heard a voice from outside the stall.  
  
"Are you okay? I heard something and I wanted to know if you were okay."  
  
He didn't know who it was, but the voice seemed genuinely worried. Not knowing what to reply, Rich mumbled the first thing that came to his mind, "I'm uh... I'm having my period!"  
  
He immediately groaned and facepalmed. What the fuck was that?! He was in the guys' bathroom, nobody would believe that! The guy was gonna think he was crazy or something, there was no way this would-  
  
"Oh that's okay! Take your time!"   
  
Work?  
  
His tone didn't sound condescending or... mean at all. It was like the guy outside was a little confused, but nice enough to push that aside and be patient. Oh thank you, random stranger, for not making this awkward. He put his phone in his pocket, grabbed his backpack and rushed outside-Fuck, the guy was right behind the stall. He bumped into him and stepped back a little.   
  
The boy in front of him looked in no way threatening. He was wearing a red hoodie covered in patches he seemed to have sewed on himself, a pair of black shorts, and red socks with... what seemed like weed leaves.  
  
Noticing that he'd been checking the stranger out for a bit too long, he shook his head and immediately looked back at his face; he had short messy brown hair, and his skin was a lighter shade of brown. With his sleeve, Rich quickly wiped his eyes in case he was still tearing up. His eyes were so red he could perfectly pass as a stoner, which the stranger didn't seem to notice, or care about.  
  
The stranger cleared his throat and readjusted the glasses on his nose, before saying "Sorry I scared you! I hope you're okay buddy!"  
  
He still felt out of it. His mini panic attack wasn't completely over yet, and the knot in his stomach was just starting to leave. He nodded, mumbled something even himself didn't really understand, before quickly leaving. In his back, he heard someone else talk to the stranger. He chose to focus on their voices in hope it'd make his own thoughts go away.  
  
_"Michael, where have you been?"_  
  
_"Sorry man, this guy wasn't feeling well so I was worried."_  
  
_"Dude I've been looking for you for like, half an hour, don't leave me like that!"_  
  
_"Sorry, I forgot you're scared of getting lost in here!" The man laughed a little._  
  
_"Hey don't laugh, it's much bigger than the building at middle school!"_  
  
Rich chuckled a little. He liked hearing other freshmen talk about how big the school was. For no reason, it made him feel older, like he knew the place for years, because the size of the building had stopped mattering to him. He still had to stay focused on all those people following him, beating him and scaring him. At least, the school being bigger also meant that there was be more spots for him to hide in case he had to get a bully off his back. He still had time until they would grow accustomed to the building and find his hiding spots. Well, he called them _hiding spots_ , but those were just quiet places around the school where he could sit down and relax for a bit. It was still something.  
  
Now he probably had to go back to the cafeteria. But Christine would probably still be there. Feeling his stomach gurgle as he remembered he hadn't eaten much, he sighed. Sorry David, he just didn't want to risk having yet another panic attack if he actually walked back in there. He decided to head to the classroom for his next class and once he was there, he sat against the wall next to the door and waited for the school bell to ring.

* * *

  
Rich didn't feel himself doze off, but he did feel someone stomping on his foot. He opened his eyes to see Tyler grinning as he basically towered him, "Wake up Dick! It's time for class!"  
  
Rich rolled his eyes and pushed himself on his feet. He didn't even wanna bother with Tyler, so he just grabbed his backpack and walked into the room -as Tyler purposely stepped on the back of his foot to make him trip-, before taking a seat as far away from Tyler as he could. His stomach was hurting now. The stress and the lack of food was messing him up pretty badly. Let's hope he wouldn't pass out, his body was weak enough to do that after even skipping one meal.  
  
He looked around, checking if nobody was looking at him, then rested his head in his arms on his desk. If he fell asleep, he wouldn't be able to feel the pain in his stomach, but his teacher quickly noticed him dozing off, called his name and had everyone staring. Rich immediately sat back on his seat and rubbed his eyes. He managed to get a few things written on his notebook, but it wasn't a lot either. It's not like he was gonna pass this class anyway, he knew he was gonna fail.  
  
After a long, boring hour, the bell rang. Rich stood up and took a deep breath. He knew it was time for him to face the worst part of the day. His day was already a disaster, but with what was coming next, he knew it would go downhill from here; it was time for PE.  
  
It went without saying that Rich was _terrible_ at sports. He was short, had pretty much no body strength, couldn't run very fast and got tired really easily. He had no muscles either, he was just the worst. Each time the class was divided in teams, he was the last one to get picked. Well, picked, more like put into the last team that was missing a student. And each time it'd happen, he could hear his classmates' sigh. _God damnit, not again. We already had to deal with him last week_. It was pitiful to see what the students were ready to do if it meant they wouldn't have to have Rich in their team. And they weren't discreet about it either. After all, who cared if he heard everything they were saying about him? But it was nothing Rich hadn't thought of himself first.  
  
He opened his backpack, shoved his arm in it and let out an annoyed groan. Of course, the airhead he was forgot to bring his PE uniform, which would cost him yet another lecture from Mr. Bähr about how he wasn't taking PE seriously and that he was a slacker, then he'd have to wear one of the ugly spare uniforms the teacher brought in case that scenario happened.  
  
His frown softened when he remembered that he'd have David by his side. David wasn't a great runner or anything, but he was amazing at basketball. Choosing it as an extracurricular was a good idea, because it made him one of the best players. He had tried teaching Rich, but to no avail. His short height made it difficult for him to aim, and it wasn't like the opposite team would play fairly either.  
  
He walked to the gym, and ran into David on the way there. His worried expression reminded him about what happened during lunchtime. Oh, right.  
  
"Are you feeling better?" He asked, wrapping an arm around Rich's shoulder as they walked. "Maybe you shouldn't do sports right now."  
  
"I'll be okay, don't worry," Rich replied with a smile, "and it'th not like Bähr ith gonna give a shit or anything, tho..."  
  
"I mean, you skipped lunch... M-Maybe I could use my spare money to get you something to eat, like, like a chocolate bar or-"  
  
"Dude, I can't take your money like that! I'll be fine."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Trutht me, David. I'm not a baby."  
  
Rich looked at his friend, who was pouting, "But you are a baby" David mumbled before poking Rich's nose and giggling. Chuckling, Rich rolled his eyes and both kept heading to the gym in silence.  
  
As he had predicted, the gym teacher had a speech reversed just for him, with a bit of yelling, of groaning and even a loud "Are you even listening to me, Goranski?". Rich knew his speech by heart by now, so he could notice some changes: this time, Mr. Bähr compared him to his older brother, who went to the same high school when he was Rich's age. "A true athlete", according to Mr. Bähr. "Now _that_ was a Goranski I wouldn't have minded having for an extra year". Although it did sting to be compared to his brother, Rich was aware of how amazing he was, and he didn't need to be reminded of that.  
  
Once Mr. Bähr gave him a spare uniform -more like threw it in his face with so much force that if throws could talk, this one would say "Fuck you and everything that you do"-, he walked off and Rich went to the locker room with the other guys. He quickly took a spot on the bench in the corner of the room. He hid his backpack under the bench and took his shirt off, ignoring a student whistling at him and mocking him.  
  
"Hey Dick, what's that on your back? Someone gave you a hickey or something?" Another student asked as he pointed at a purple spot on Rich's back, near his ribs. Rich flinched, knowing what the student was talking about, and swiftly covered it with his hand.  
  
"It'th none of your buthineth." Rich quietly replied as he hurried to pull his shirt on. David moved closer to him and whispered "Ignore them, Rich."  
  
"Ohh what? You got a girlfriend or something? Or did David give that to you?"  
  
Everyone in the room, with the exception of David and Rich, burst out laughing. Rich teared up, finished changing and left in a hurry, immediately followed by David. He had to run after Rich when he saw him speed up, "Rich wait!"  
  
Hearing him, Rich stopped and turned around, wiping his eyes with the collar of his shirt, "I-I thought it wath one of thothe idiotth following me... Thorry."  
  
Without a word, David wrapped his arms around Rich's neck and hugged him tightly. Both remained silent for a moment, before David dared to ask, "... When did this one happen?"  
  
Rich slightly pulled away from the hug and looked at David. He sniffled and was able to calm down, "Nothing thpethial, don't worry..."  
  
"Rich, you can tell me. Did your dad do that?"  
  
"He didn't mean to. He wath pithed and drunk, tho he jutht threw thtuff at me."  
  
"At you?! God Rich..." David pulled him into another hug, his face hidden in Rich's neck. "I'm so worried for you, Rich. Your dad... He's been getting so violent."  
  
"I know, it'th jutht hard for him... He lotht hith job, and-and he jutht can't thtop drinking. I jutht happened to be there at the wrong time..."  
  
"What did he throw?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What did he throw at you?"  
  
"I think it wath an empty bottle of whithkey."  
  
David gasped and looked into Rich's eyes, "R-Rich... Y-You know I'm getting closer and closer to tell my parents about it."  
  
"No pleathe don't! My dad'th gonna ki-"  
  
"Alright everyone, listen up!" Mr. Bähr's loud voice cut Rich off. The two boys turned around. "You're gonna start by running 13 laps around the field, then we'll start playing basketball. Go!"  
  
All the students that were ready began running. David and Rich followed up, a little slower than the others because David wanted to stay with Rich, who he knew wasn't a fast runner anyway. It was an opportunity to talk, if they weren't too tired while doing so.  
  
And _it_ happened. Rich knew it would happen.  
  
The first two laps were painful for him to run. Physically painful. His stomach kept gurgling and he was panicking because of that, he was scared of passing out. He was already running out of breath in the middle of the second lap, but he forced himself to keep going because he didn't have a choice. Mr. Bähr would yell at him if he saw him stop, and he always had his eyes on the field. The faster students -which included Tyler and his friends- would catch up on him and either shove him or laugh.  
  
The third and fourth laps were just getting worse. Rich kept coughing and swallowing saliva he felt he have, but didn't. He looked at Mr. Bähr. That asshole had his eyes on him. He couldn't stop at all. At the fifth lap, Rich could barely breath and kept tripping. He was panting. He couldn't feel his legs. His legs. His heart was pounding, fast. He was hungry, tired and getting even more anxious. His head was aching. Did he have a fever? David looked at him, also a little tired. But not as tired. He seemed okay.  
  
"D-Dude! Are you okay?" He asked as he wiped his sweaty forehead.  
  
Rich couldn't reply. It'd take too much breath. Just. Focus on the field. Focus. His face was probably so red.   
  
As he went on, his vision got blurry, his legs gave in and he felt himself trip on his own foot. He harshly hit the ground and blacked out almost immediately, but before that he caught a glimpse of David turning around and rushing back to him in panic. Rich heard him scream his name, and he was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Make sure to leave a comment if you liked it, I love reading them!!


	4. At the end of the day...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Tho uh, I heard that Jake Dillinger planth on throwing a party for Halloween."_
> 
> _"Oh yeah, I heard that too."_
> 
> _"Do you think it would be fun to go?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm sorry this chapter took me so long to write, school started and I want to work harder than last year to get my diploma. This chapter's a little longer than my previous chapters, so at least I'm proud of that. Enjoy~!

"Rich?"

Rich fluttered his eyes opened, slowly regaining consciousness. He was laying in a bed, in a room he didn't quite recognize. He slowly turned his head and saw David standing by his side, his hands fidgeting with his sweater. Everything in the room was white, and there was other beds further away from him, all of them separated by white curtains. He looked back at David, squinting his eyes to make sense of the only colors in this room. This would probably be easier if he was wearing his glasses.

"D-David? W-Where am I?"

"Rich, you're in the nurse's office! You passed out!" David replied while grabbing Rich's hand and squeezing them tightly together. He looked terribly worried, his eyes were red. Rich could tell his friend cried.

"Fuck... W-What time ith it...?" Rich quietly asked, suddenly feeling that his voice was a little sore.

"It's 2:30! Just please tell me you're okay!"

"I... think tho?" He replied as he watched David's expression soften and turn into a small smile, "I'm hungry though..."

"The nurse brought you something to eat right there!"

David grabbed a plate from Rich's nightstand and carefully put it in his lap. There was a glass of water, an apple and a chocolate bar. Rich also noticed a small red bag. He grinned; those were Skittles. He looked at David, who blushed and said "I went to get you Skittles too, cause I know you love them."

"Thankth, David. I don't know what I'd do without you." Rich then paused, "Aren't you gonna go back to clath now? You're gonna be late."

"I told the teacher I was gonna stay with you."

"What did she thay?"

"She understood that I was worried for you so she allowed it this one time."

"But it'th our latht period. Are you sure you wanna thtay here until thchool endth?"

"Yeah I don't mind!" David gave Rich a reassuring smile, "But now, you should eat what we brought you!"

Rich smiled and started by drinking the glass of water. Only that made his throat hurt a lot less. He then pinched the two sides of the Skittles bag and opened it. He took a handful and looked at it. He then looked at David, "Gimme your hand, dude"

A little confused, David complied and reached out his hand. With a grin, Rich gently dropped the Skittles in David's hand. "There. I want uth to share."

"But Rich, you're starving!"

"Hey, it'th not like I'm giving you all of them. I thtill have like, two thirds of the bag" Rich replied with a chuckle, "You're jutht tho kind to me, I don't want to make you feel like you have to do everything for me."

"Rich, you are too kind!"

"Me?" Rich snorted, "You're an angel compared to me. Accthept it."

David turned red and giggled, "Just eat, you silly!"

"Alright fine!" Rich laughed before taking another handful of candies and shoving them in his mouth. He let out a relieved sigh; the concept of eating food felt so foreign after an entire day without more than the third of a bowl of cereal and almost expired milk in his stomach. Well, maybe the milk wasn't expired. He wasn't dead or anything. Yet. 

"Are you feeling better?" David asked.

"Yeah, it feelth nithe to eat" Rich replied with a smile.

They kept chatting until it was time to leave school. Rich had to admit, this moment with his best friend was the only highlight of his day. It didn't go away after 5 minutes just like every decent moment he's had so far. Well, it did have to end, but not with a panic attack, bullying or him fainting. When the school bell rang, David went to ask the nurse if Rich was allowed to leave. Seeing that he was feeling better, she let the two kids walk out. On the way out, David stopped to grab Rich's backpack.

"I went to get your stuff before coming here! Your clothes are in it too" He said with a grin. Rich smiled back at him and grabbed the backpack, before quickly kissing David's cheek. David turned bright red and looked back at him.

"W-What?"

Rich suddenly realized what he did, "Thorry, I jutht didn't know how elthe I could thank you tho... Uh, a friendly kith?"

David giggled and tried scooting his face closer to Rich's, but the latter quickly began walking again. "Dude, we should Thkype call tonight!" He heard Rich say from a little further away. Still smiling, David let out a sigh and sped up his pace to catch up on his friend. He gripped at the sleeve of his hoodie and replied "Sure! What d'you wanna play?"

"I haven't thought about it yet" Rich admitted with a shrug, "I mean, I did have motht of the afternoon to do that, but... Nope."

"That's okay. How about... Portal 2? We still need to start playing that co-op mode you've been telling me about!"

Rich's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, "Yeth! It'th the betht and I've alwayth wanted to play it with you!"

David laughed happily seeing how joyful Rich was now. They kept talking on their way home, avoiding every other student to be alone together the whole time. David made Rich listen to a new band he's been listening to, only to find out that it was one of Rich's favourite bands; Falling In Reverse.

"Can you believe how good their music is?" David asked, "and the lead singer is so hot!"

Rich snorted, "Ronnie Radke? Yeah he lookth pretty cool."

"And all the tattoos he has? I looooove guys with tattoos!"

"Be careful David, your gay ith showing~"

David blushed and looked away, "Why does it matter? Everyone knows I'm gay anyway..."

His expression had changed a little, and he didn't look so happy anymore. Rich's smile also disappeared, and he looked at David with a concerned expression. He had heard of that story; David had been outed by an older kid -who was now in his senior year- who went to the same summer camp as him two years ago, the year Rich met David. The ginger boy came out as soon as it was his turn to introduce himself to the rest of the group. Nobody had said anything about it, but when school started again, students would give him funny looks and would often laugh at him. 

That's when the bullying started. Rich was already known for "thpeaking funny" and had already earned the nickname "Dick" when they teacher jokingly explained that it could be a nickname for someone named Richard, dooming Rich to an eternity -or less, hopefully- of bullying. And finally when everyone saw Rich and David hang out more and more -and how cuddly David was-, the other students saw it as an opportunity to make fun of their two favourite victims. He really wished David and him had gone into a high school far away from everyone. They would have been able to meet new people who wouldn't know anything about them and wouldn't get to make fun of them.

Rich never really asked about the incident, he didn't want to force David to mention it. He still remembered seeing him crying behind a tree in the schoolyard as everyone was circling him. It was terrifying to see someone who was usually so strong and happy-go-lucky break down. Rich felt like he could have done more than just step in and yell at everyone. Looking back at it, he should have punched that senior as hard as he could for being such a prick.

Rich lighty sighed and grabbed David's hand as the two kept walking. God, he really sucked at being a good friend.

"You know that thtudent wathn't right for outing you like that. And he'th gonna graduate thith year, tho you'll never have to thee his fathe again."

David let out a breathless chuckle, "Sometimes, I walk past him, and I can feel him stare at me and grin. He's almost 18 and he could beat me up if he wanted to. I can't fight back against someone like that, if-if I ever tried standing up to him, I'd be a goner..."

"If he ever trieth, I'll do what I can to protect you."

The ginger boy's grin slowly grew back, and he squeezed Rich's hand tight, "Thank you so much for being here... You know, you're the reason I haven't switched schools yet."

Rich gave David a surprised look, "Wait, what?"

"At the beginning of the year, I told my mom that people were still bothering me, and she said that if it kept going, I'd have to switch school. And she really wanted me to! She kept saying I'd be happier without all that bullying, but then I said 'Rich is here with me, I'll be fine'. So yeah."

Rich wanted to tear up. Despite everything he had to deal with here, despite all those bullies pushing him around and making fun with him, David wanted to stay _for him_. David was just... he was perfect, that's all he could say. David would do anything to make him happy, and sometimes it felt like he didn't even ask for anything in return. Rich suddenly turned and hugged him as tightly as he could.

"I'm tho happy we met" He mumbled, earning a giggle from David and an even tighter hug in return.

"So am I. I would have been all alone without you."

"Bullshit. I'm pretty sure I drag you down."

"Double bullshit."

Both chuckled and started walking again. It felt like anything could happen to them, and they'd always have each other's back. Although Rich dreamed of being a cool kid that would never have to worry about being shoved and mocked, he had David with him. He failed to understand what David saw in him, but whatever he saw, it really felt like he cherished it. 

They stopped in front of Rich's apartment, and before leaving, David hugged Rich tightly. Rich returned the hug without hesitation, hiding his face in David's neck. The ginger boy giggled and tried pulling Rich even closer. Rich looked up and stared into David's eyes; there was something special about them and the way they'd always look at him with such admiration and happiness.

But as Rich felt like he was about to find out why, the door opened to reveal his dad, a bottle in his hand. Rich gasped and let go of his friend, wanting to avoid any weird comment from his father.

"Get in, idiot. You've been standing there forever."

Rich quickly nodded. Was his dad spying on him or something? How did he know he was already there? He thought about asking but decided against it, and instead he said "I wath uh, gonna athk for money to-"

"Not happening."

"No no I meant, to buy grocerith. The fridge ith almotht empty."

"Oh okay. Yeah hold on." The man then glanced at David, "You can leave, y'know? Rich doesn't need your help to buy food."

Rich felt himself cringe at how his dad talked to David. David, on the other hand, gave a small nod in response, looked at Rich and mumbled a "I'll see you at school" before walking away. Sadly this wasn't the first interaction between the two, and all of them were short and lacked politeness on his father's side. He never seemed to care about being nice to his classmates anyway. Well, David was the only one he had met so far. He didn't seem to like him very much though.

"Your friend is weird" Rich's dad suddenly said as he went to get his wallet, "Always touching you or something. You should find someone that's less of a little sissy."

Rich flinched, "He'th nithe. He doethn't make fun of me."

"Maybe if you stopped whining about people making fun of your lisp, people would stop bothering you with that. You once came home crying because people kept laughing at you, d'you really think you'll make friends like that?"

"Th-They keep calling me Dick!"

"And? Grow a pair and accept it. You'll never make friends if you always focus on the shit they say to you. I'm getting tired of having to hear you cry about how nobody likes you. And that's normal, nobody likes crybabies, do they?"

Starting to fidget with the sleeves of his hoodies, Rich looked down. _Don't cry now, it'll only make it worse_. "But I don't like it."

"Then fine, stay alone. But I'm not gonna comfort you about it. You're not doing anything to make it better."

"You never comfort me anyway" Rich heard himself mumble, immediately regretting it.

"Excuse me?" His father remained calm, but raised his voice, sounding menacing.

"N-Nothing!"

A short pause. His father sighed, "That's what I thought." He then handed Rich his wallet, "Buy enough food to last until the end of the week. Look carefully at the price of everything you buy, and if you take even one dollar I swear I'll kill you."

Rich nodded as he grabbed the wallet. "Okay. Do you want me to buy anything in particular?"

"Get me some whiskey, please."

Rich slightly frowned. His father only knew manners when alcohol was involved. "You know I'm too young to buy alcohol, I already told you latht week."

"Then what good _are_ you?"

"I can thtill buy _food_."

"Just hurry up, okay? I'll figure out how to buy something to drink."

The boy internally groaned. _Maybe by going outside and buying the fucking thing yourself?_ He threw his backpack on the floor and walked out of the apartment. Since he had lost his job, his father had turned into an alcoholic abusive asshole. Rich rarely saw him without a bottle in his hand, and when it wasn't alcohol, it was a huge bag of chips or something to eat. He still had to see him actually start looking for a job again, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. His father also seemed to like tormenting him and blaming him for everything that's ever happened in the world. He always reminded him how useless he was and how it was his fault everyone treated him like crap. And it wouldn't be a surprise if it turned out he didn't like David because he knew he was gay.

He quickly arrived at the nearest grocery store and tried remembering what he needed to buy. Some milk, cereal, maybe more vegetables to make dinner. He carefully picked each item, making sure to find the cheapest one each time. Of course, cheap food meant cheap quality, but it was all they could afford if they wanted to eat for the rest of the month. It was the only way for them to keep their money long enough. There was that and getting his dad to stop drinking so much, but that was very unlikely.

He stopped in an aisle when he heard two kids nearby. He normally wouldn't have, but he couldn't help but eavesdrop when he heard his name. Not his real name, but that stupid nickname again.

"Yo, you saw Dick Goranski today?"

"Yeah, he passed out in PE didn't he?"

"What a fucking weakling. He can't even run a couple laps and when he does he falls like an uncoordinated idiot."

Rich rolled his eyes and started walking away. He thought that for once, he'd hear something new about himself, but this was nothing he already knew. Another key word made him stop dead in his tracks though.

"Good thing people like him aren't going to Jake's Halloween party. He'd probably be trying to bribe someone to suck his dick."

"Jake Dillinger? Dude his parties are so rad, I'm glad losers like Dick never show up. Imagine him tryna have sex with everyone like some gross horndog?"

Rich didn't care about that last comment. A Halloween party? At Jake Dillinger's house? It was probably a bad idea to go, but if he did, he would have a chance to talk to him again, hopefully without anyone bothering him. Everyone would be too busy partying right? Rich didn't really know, he's never been invited to parties, he didn't know how they went, but people got shitfaced, right?

He turned around and walked away again. He was determined to go to Jake's Halloween party. This time, he wasn't going to be a pussy and actually go to the party. He had a month to build up enough courage to actually go. Maybe if he invited David, it'd be easier. He knew David wasn't a fan of parties, but he was much more confident around other people. If he had more friends, you could actually think he's a full-on extrovert. Well, he sort of was? He was definitely more outgoing than Rich, but he liked being alone sometimes. There was probably a term for that. Ambivert perhaps?

On his way home, he texted David to ask him about Jake's party. According to him, the party was on Saturday 31st, and it'd start at 7pm. He wasn't sure if it was too early or too late for a party, but he would be able to leave the house without his dad questioning him. If he was awake, that is.

He came back home and put the bags of groceries on the kitchen table, gave his father's wallet back and walked into his room. He sat on the bed, took his shoes off and inhaled longly. Man, today was intense. Pretty shitty too, considering he had a panic attack and passed out while running. He hoped that David wouldn't talk about what happened at lunch.

Grabbing his laptop from under the bed, he put it in his lap and reached for his headset. He put it on and pressed the button to turn the laptop on. Calling David on Skype would be a good way to end the day. He quickly clicked on the blue logo and searched for David's name. He was honestly more of a Discord guy, but his friend just refused to switch. When David's name appeared on the screen, Rich clicked on it and clicked the "Call" button. He knew that his friend was online right now. He always was, and he was so used to receiving random calls from Rich that he would always pick up on time. And he did!

"Hey Rich! What's up?" 

"Jutht came back from the thtore. I think my dad'th cooking right now" Rich replied, moving his legs to be more comfortable. "I mean, now that I think about it, I didn't hear anything thinthe I came home."

"At least he still cooks... sometimes." David joked, earning a snort from Rich. "He still really worries me though."

"Yeah I know. He worrieth me too. He jutht... Couldn't handle lothing hith job I gueth."

"That's not a reason for being so... you know."

"Tho what?"

"Abusive. Towards you."

Rich didn't respond. He didn't have anything to say anyway, and David knew that. He also knew that Rich didn't like to admit what was going on at his house. He didn't want to be reminded of how much of a destructive alcoholic man his father had become. It had been a year since he had lost his longtime job as a mechanic.

"Do you think something else happened to him?" David asked.

"I mean, he had a pretty bad depression when my mom died when I wath 10, tho..."

Rich could hear David lightly gasp, and soon realized how casual he sounded announcing his mother's dead. It was was something he had never talked about, even with David. He wanted to keep it buried in his memories. He didn't like mourning or thinking of her in fear that it would start hurting again. After a few years, he simply couldn't handle the pitiful looks people would give him whenever he'd mention how his mom had passed away. But that was definitely what had triggered his father's depression. That sounded ridiculous, but him losing his job after 30 years of hard work was the last straw. Since then he had pretty much stopped trying to pick himself up and relied on Rich for everything.

There was a silence. Maybe Rich shouldn't have mentioned that at all?

"David? You thtill here?"

"R-Rich I... I'm so sorry!"

"Dude, it'th okay I-I didn't mean to thound like I needed attention or anything."

"I know but still." There was a silence. "How did she... you know?"

"Canther."

"Oh no..."

It was silent again, but Rich swore he could hear David whimper quietly. He let out a soft sigh, "Look, it happened almotht 5 yearth ago. It thtill hurtth, but I'm okay now. I don't really like talking about it, that'th all."

David sniffled one last time, a little louder, "I didn't mean to be so nosy about her, it's my fault. Can we talk about something else? I don't really like talking about it and I'm scared of making you sad."

"I wath gonna athk that actually, tho thank you." 

And just like that, they dropped the subject, once again making Rich happy to have David as a best friend. He always knew his boundaries, he knew when something was making Rich uncomfortable. He was always so careful about what he said and it made Rich feel safe. It felt reassuring to talk with him, because he could be open about his insecurities and what he wished he could do.

Speaking of which.

"Hey, David, I have an idea" Rich suddenly asked. "But promithe you won't laugh."

"Whaaaat? I never laugh at your ideas!" David replied with a giggle, "Come on, I won't judge."

"Tho uh, I heard that Jake Dillinger planth on throwing a party for Halloween."

"Oh yeah, I heard that too."

"Do you think it would be fun to go?"

David hesitated for a moment. The silence made Rich grow nervous.

"Are you sure about that? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to, but what if someone picks on you there?"

"But what if they're all... buthy doing... party thingth? And it would be an opportunity for me to try and approach Jake Dillinger again."

"Wait, 'again'? You talked to him?"

"We kept bumping into each other today. And he helped me when Tyler and hith friendth emptied my backpack on the floor."

"Tyler will never stop, won't he?" After hearing Rich hum in approval, David continued; "But that was nice of Jake to help! Do you think it'd be a good idea to be friends with him?"

"It totally would be. He'th tho chill, pluth we wouldn't be bullied if we were theen with him!

"I guess it would work. But don't force yourself to be friends with him if he turns out to be a jerk, okay?"

"Promithe."

Before David could say anything, a woman's voice could be heard on his end. "David! Dinner!"

"Okay mom! Sorry Rich, I gotta go-Are you having dinner tonight?"

"I don't know" Rich admitted with a sigh, "I might end up jutht making a thandwich if my dad ith athleep on the couch. Thee you tomorrow!"

"See ya!" The call then ended, and Rich was left on his bed, unsure what to do. Sure, he could go check if his dad was up and start making dinner for both of them -his dad's food was pretty bad anyway, so it was a good thing that he was too lazy to cook most of the time- but truly, Rich didn't feel hungry right now. At least not too hungry to wait for an hour or two. Suddenly yawning, he realized that he hadn't have the best night either. He decided to take a nap.

He went to lock his door first. It was starting to get late, and if his dad was already getting drunk, Rich didn't want him bursting in his bedroom to do whatever drunk middle-aged unemployed fathers did. It was terrifying enough when he heard his voice from another room, sometimes singing or sometimes yelling at inanimate objects. Once the door was locked, he moved his laptop from his bed and slid it back underneath it. He closed his curtains and laid down on his bed. After putting his glasses on his nightstand and setting an alarm for 2 hours later, Rich closed his eyes and shortly after, he fell asleep.

He woke up to the sound of his alarm going off. He opened his eyes, reached for his glasses and turned the alarm off. His bed was warm and he didn't want to move, but he had to. You know that feeling when you just woke up from a long nap and you're still tired because you just slept? That's how he felt. It was like... a hangover?

No, wrong phrasing. Rich didn't like the sound of it. Whatever.

He got up and headed to the living room. His father was laying down on the couch, his eyes locked on the tv screen. When Rich walked in, their briefly eyes met, and his father asked "Are you cooking tonight?" There was no anger in his voice, but Rich knew it would annoy the hell out of him if he had to get up and actually _do something_.

He didn't want to make a scene, so he just mumbled "Yeah sure" and without letting his father respond, he walked to the kitchen. Luckily he had brought eggs, which he was going to use to make two omelettes. Cooking wasn't his favourite thing to do, he could barely call it a hobby, but it was an excuse to get away from everything and think about himself in a way.

While the omettes were getting cooked on the pan, he went to set the table in the living room, then came back to flip it. He filled them with shredded cheese and ham that he had chopped earlier, and went to serve them on the plates. His father had sat down to give Rich some space on the couch -how considerate- and stared at his food.

"Doesn't look very filled."

"I didn't want to uthe too much cheethe."

"Why not?"

"Because I wanna thave thome for later??"

Oh no, wrong tone of voice. He felt his father glare at him. "Hey, don't get a fucking attitude with me. I paid for that food."

"... Thorry."

Rich knew he shouldn't even try to argue with his father, but sometimes he really wished he could. He sat down on the couch and quickly ate his omelette, sometimes glancing at the television to see what was on. Nothing really interesting, or at least nothing he could really get into. He grabbed his empty plate and went to put it in the sink with his fork and his knife. Now what? He had just taken a nap, cooked and eaten dinner. He should probably check if David was online again.

He headed back to his bedroom and grabbed his laptop again. When he opened it, he noticed that David had left him a message on Skype.

_"Sorry dude, gotta go :/ My parents want me to go to bed early. I'll see you at school! <3_

Guess there was nobody else to talk to now. At least, Rich couldn't complain about being flooded with messages; David was the only person he talked to outside of school. He headed to his bathroom, took another shower (he still smelled like sweat after running for what... 5 minutes? And passing out) and went to bed in his pajamas.

Laying in his bed with his blanket tightly wrapped around him, Rich couldn't stop thinking about his idea of befriending Jake Dillinger. Even if he'd remain a loser, at least he would have someone else to talk to. Maybe Jake had the same interests as him; did he like video games? What kind? Would he appreciate being invited over for a game night with him and David? How cool would that be?

So many things could happen if Rich and Jake became friends. He imagined them texting each other late at night, or call each other if one of them needed help and comfort. Maybe he would get to see his house too! A lot of people said it was huge, like a manor, and that he had a pool in the backyard. He imagined himself walking around the endless halls, laughing with Jake and asking things about each other.

_Did you hear about what happened between Chloe Valentine and her best friend the other day?_

_You mean Madeline? Everyone at the school knows that already!_

Rich giggled thinking about the two of them gossiping. He didn't even know who Chloe Valentine was, but he kept hearing her name in the halls. He couldn't care less either, as long as it gave him topics of conversation with him hopefully-future-friend Jake Dillinger.

He suddenly pictured himself holding Jake's hand, being close to him and whispering secrets in his ear. Secrets? Sweet things too. He blushed. No, that wasn't what normal friends did. He shouldn't be thinking that. It felt weird. Well, he always held David's hand and hugged him, and that was only because they were best friends. But with Jake... It was a pleasing yet awkward thought. Why? Rich came to the conclusion that it was too soon to think about that. Plus this was a thing only he and David did. Nothing would change that. Not even Jake Dillinger.

Soon slumber took over, and Rich fell asleep. He shouldn't have thought about Jake so much before going to sleep, because when he woke up, all he remembered from his dream was an idealized version of him, looking happier and full of confidence, laying down on his bed with with Jake spooning him, his arms gently wrapped around his waist. What was going on?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you like it, leave a kudos or a comment, I'd really appreciate it!! I'm sorry if there's any grammar or spelling error, or anything that doesn't sound english, I'm not a native speaker. But I hope you enjoyed it anyway~


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